Rude Spouses

The mind works in interesting ways. Between the receptionist I mentioned in my last post and the Ft. Hood shootings this week, memories came up of two incredibly rude spouses I've met.

The first was when I was living in Killeen, just outside Ft. Hood, and working in Temple, Texas. My supervisor had invited me to a dinner party that he and his wife were having at their home in Temple.

When I arrived, I discovered that I was the only guest from his work. The others were her college friends. Nevertheless, I had a good time.

When it came time for me to leave, I went to say good-bye to the wife.

"Thank you for inviting me," I said.

She looked at me coldly and replied, "I didn't invite you," then walked away.

Wow.

Technically, though, she was right. She hadn't invited me.

The second rude spouse was encountered last year. A former co-worker had invited me to join her and her husband for a pleasant afternoon flying kites on their acreage. Since he is the kite aficionado, I was telling him something I learned from enthusiasts I met who belong to the San Diego Kite Club. His wife was behind me, about six feet away.

And he walked away, entering their house.

Yes, just like that. While I was speaking, right in front of him, without any sort of, "Excuse me," or gesture to warn me.

Amazing. I bet he didn't do that to people when he was trying to get elected to public office.

What's even more appalling is that these spouses call themselves, "Christians."

So much for their practicing the Golden Rule.

I'm glad rude spouses are few and far between.

Luke 6:31. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

Dallas Opera: "Die Fledermaus"

There was only one skunk on the road to Dallas this past Sunday and the portent held true. There were no ringing or vibrating cell phones, no watch alarms, and no out-of-place applause. The only skunk in the audience was the woman next to me wearing perfume.

Fortunately, there were large blocks of empty seats in the upper balcony making it easy for me to move up and avoid having another allergic reaction to her otherwise pleasant fragrance.

I moved to an empty lower row of only three seats and settled in to having a good time with this comic operetta by Johann Strauss II.

Although the first act is filled with chuckles from the interplay of the characters which was easy to follow because the performance was in English, I was nearly overcome by yawns and general boredom. The only bright spots were the voices of Chad Shelton, playing Alfred, and Ava Pine, playing Adele, who turned out to be the star of the show both in voice and in acting.

To be fair, Ana Maria Martinez, playing the part of Rosalinde, was recovering from the flu. Knowing this only makes me wonder how much better she might have been if she had been in full health. On the other hand, Miss Pine was recovering from a sinus condition.

Since many of the singers, excluding Pine, Shelton, and later Grant Neale, weren't easily projecting their voices over the orchestra or filling the hall with their voices, it made me consider that the smaller capacity of the new Winspear Opera House with its 2200 - 2300 seats, compared to the 3400 seats of the Fair Park Music Hall, would aid weaker voices. In any case, a voice like Pine's will be sure to knock our socks off in the smaller venue.

Happily, the pace picked up in the second act and the production improved through to the end of Act III. Neale, as Frosch, the jailer, was in fine voice and left me in stitches with his pratfalls and complaints about opera and Alfred's singing. Indeed, I'd be lying if I didn't admit how well Shelton sang and portrayed Alfred despite Frosch's complaints.

The only character I found disconcerting was Prince Orlofsky, played by Marianna Kulikova. I don't know if it was her somewhat erratic voice which got stronger as she went on or her makeup or the sight of the side of her right breast bulging through the side of her uniform. There were too many lopsided features for me to ignore in order to catch the laughs. Was she a woman playing a man as a trouser role suggests? Or was she a woman playing a man playing a woman in drag as a man?

Overall, it turned out to be a gentle and pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon, not an expensive nap as I feared it would become during Act I, although it wasn't worth the 4-1/2 hour drive except for Ava Pine's performance.

If this production is any indication, we need to keep an eye on Ava Pine because she might be going places.

Dallas Opera: "The Marriage of Figaro"

I should have known by the five dead skunks I saw during my drive to Dallas, plus the two that I didn't, how the Sunday matinee performance of "The Marriage of Figaro" was going to be.

The opera is one of my favorites. Humor and wit abound along with the cleverness of Mozart's music. Like the road to Dallas, this production was thoroughly enjoyable and the best I've ever seen for this opera. The laughs were elicited from us by sight gags as well as by vocal phrasing and the performers' timing was impeccable. For example, Keith Jameson, who played Don Curzio, the magistrate, stuttered musically and majestically; we couldn't help bursting out with laughter and love how his stuttering was echoed by the other singers which enticed even more laughter from us. It wasn't just the laughs, either. Susanna Phillips, who portrayed the Countess Almaviva, sang so beautifully that I wanted her arias to last longer and wished we could shout, "Encore!" at the final curtain and get her to sing one again.

However, as excellent as it was, I am almost sorry that I went and I deeply regret buying season tickets; I am that disgusted. It wasn't the horribly uncomfortable seat that will hopefully be corrected with the move to the new Winspear Opera House next season or that I was perspiring until the third act when someone finally got smart enough to turn on the air conditioner.

The skunks were in the audience.

Every other opera I've attended in other cities, when the house lights go down, the audience settles in anticipation. In Dallas, chatter speeds up and doesn't finish until AFTER the music is started...except for the past-their-prime women sitting near me who started talking well into the act while the performers were singing. I couldn't give them the evil eye because they were in my row and wouldn't have been able to see me. I couldn't shush them without creating another disturbance. The only things I could do were pray for them to shut up already and wish my arm was long enough to reach over and head-slap the pair of them.

In addition to the talking were the cell phones. Not only did I hear a cell phone playing a tune that was discordant to the music being played by the orchestra, I heard the bzz-bzz-bzzz of a vibrating phone, and the ting-ting-tinging of a watch alarm. Which part of "Please turn off your cell phones" couldn't the morons understand?

Another skunk was the perfume. Ladies, when you're going to be sitting for hours, shoulder-to-shoulder with others, PLEASE DO NOT WEAR PERFUME OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF FRAGRANCE. All you need is the effective use of bath soap. For those of us who are allergic to fragrance, the watering eyes and congested sinuses are agony. For those of us who think your favorite fragrance stinks, it's misery. How would you like to spend three and a half hours sitting within five feet of a skunk? If you think I'm the only person who thinks this way, there were women in line at the ladies room who I overheard complaining about someone wearing perfume who was sitting near them, too.

Another thing, especially if you were among the group of idiots sitting in the right balcony and clapping when no one else was, here's a clue:

The superscription above the stage means that someone is singing or is about to sing and that you should be quiet and listen. It is NOT a signal for you to start clapping with all your might to drown out the singer's voice as well as the harpsichord being played by the conductor, Graeme Jenkins.

Since the Dallas Opera was founded in 1957, one would think there's been enough time for its audience to learn how to behave. Certainly, cell phones have been out long enough for people to have grasped general etiquette by now and turn off their cell phones in libraries, churches, theaters, AND AT THE OPERA. The mere fact that the performers are singing without microphones gives normal, respectful audiences the motivation to help them be heard by everyone by being quiet, but no, Dallas, you are too rude, crude, and socially unacceptable to exhibit the minimum in common courtesy or to have any degree of couth.

Dallas, it's time for you to grow up and start behaving yourself. I'm giving you the rest of the 2008-2009 season to prove yourself capable of not ruining another opera only because I already have tickets. Yes, I have thought about trying to get a refund or sell my tickets on eBay, but I really want to see the operas. After that, we'll see. There's also opera in Tulsa and Fort Worth's Bass Hall is too fabulous for me to waste nine hours of driving time plus the cost of gas and the ticket only to endure your atrocious behavior no matter how stellar the performance.

In the meantime, I'm telling everyone to stay away from you.